Don't Mug Yourself

Anyone that knows me will confirm that I have an overwhelming fear of dogs, leg shaking, tear jerking, sweating buckets fear.  This has been a feature throughout my life and no matter how many ‘oh but you will love my dog, he’s so friendly’ I can say in all honesty - no! it's still a dog!  

So you can imagine my true-life nightmare when walking back from Tesco I was approached by a man and his pit-bull asking for some spare money.  Queue my shifty eyes and sudden nervous tic that i didn't know i had.  I am definitely one for lending people money so it pained me to apologise for the 3 pennies and unidentified key rattling around in my purse, but just my luck that’s exactly how much he needed for his electricity bill! Lucky me! 

...but, on opening my purse he spotted a few other coins that had sneaked into various different compartments and didn’t waste a second in telling me (if I had known they were there,believe me, I would had a victory dance in the Tesco reduced section).  But with his gut wrenching tale and blood thirsty dog practically breaking at his industrial chains I gave him my spare coins. I did not need a cujo situation on my hands.  Now, i have to ask, and it shames me to do so....Was I just mugged old school?  Did this man just use actual livestock to take money from me?!  

Walk of Shame

At the beginning of this year i promised myself this would be the year to become healthy, i swore off smash and promised that i would run every day.  So far i have learned to make potatoes taste like smash and have power walked twice, with a little less 'power' than expected.  Now being unashamedly awkward i refuse to do this and possibly look people in the eye, so i popped on my sunglasses, did my usual few laps and went to leave, convincing myself that Usain Bolt has the very same routine.  Leaving was the awkward part...

Mid stride i was stopped by a regular guy, late 30's, who i assumed needed directions or just a chat. No, no, no.  Instead he asked for my autograph.  As much as i loved this and genuinely basked  in the moments glory i literally had no idea who he thought i was.  Should i have smiled and explained that i am not who he thinks i am, or asked him 'Who do i sign it to?'  So for today i did the first, i smiled and powered off, him telling me "maybe some other time" (probably seeing as from now on i will be waiting at the same place to sign anything he has to offer).

 
Dhiann x

Light Reading

Whilst I claim to be healthy  all the time it’s more than likely that I will find myself lingering near any bus stop just in case one should happen to pass ‘by chance’.  And today was of course one of those days (it was windy and I was holding a frozen yoghurt- nobody can walk in that).  Now I know that when I take the lazy option I should be willing to put up with the bus craziess, but I don’t know where to stand on this one…

…Whilst waiting for my stop a man stands right behind me and gets his book out, no problem here, he seems like a nice bookworm.  Until he used the back of my neck to prop his book up.  Not my back, not even just my shoulder, right onto where my head meets my neck as if I wouldn’t notice.  I don’t know about anyone else but this was a bit far for me, but because he started laughing and was genuinely enjoying it I put up with it for the rest of the journey (who am I to ruin his Wednesday?) and I am now considering offering my services for other bus travellers. Good business venture?

I ask what you would do in this situation, tell him to calm down and read unaided or pretend like he’s an old friend and bend over?

Dhiann x

Valentines

So today valentines hit us like a tonne of bricks, luckily I work in Selfridges so they didn’t shove it in my face or anything….But I am very lucky to have a boyfriend who could come all the way down for the week before.  So with this year being our first ever valentines we decided to hang out in London and keep it as stress free as possible.  However as every girl knows (and every guy ignores) valentines is in no way stress free.  A dress for the night, hair dye that of course I have avoided since the last time I saw him, nails, tanning, eyebrows and the ever daunting waxing.  Waxing being the topic that girls bond over instantly I decided to bring it up at work and see if anyone else lives in fear as much as I do...confirmed...

...My horror story to date is one I was told when I was 17 about a friend of a friend who was asked to get on all fours for the duration of her session.  Now, I know from a few people that this is completely normal but if anything it fills me with the crippling fear of the phrase ‘could you get on your hands and knees’ being uttered by a woman I have never met holding a wooden stick covered in burning liquid.  How on earth she handled that situation and walked out with her head held high gives me some hope.

So onto my awkward question…what would you do in this situation, do you keep chatting as you turn over with your ass in the air?

Dhiann x

National Cliche?

Now I know I am not the only Scottish person in the whole of London, but there are a few scenarios I find myself in where people notice my store thumb of an accent.  I never once found this a problem until 2 weeks ago whilst on the phone to a girl from London who asked me to hang up and call back later because she could not understand my accent…which I did and ranted about it to anyone who would pretend to listen.  So, I have started to ponder when someone’s nationality would actually have its draw backs in London.  I can't even wear my tartan scarf without the fear of bagpipes coming round the corner.  For such a long time I have wanted to buy the Alexander McQueen tartan puffball dress, but now I am faced with the dilema of being a walking cliché.  What to do when I (hopefully) get a compliment, should I smile politely and move on or say in my over the top accent “auuchhh thannnkssss” and go on to bullshit about how it is my family tartan?

Are nationality clichés okay?

Dhiann x